The 'Primitive Blog' Entry

More details to come. But for now, enjoy what lies below.

05 05 05 - Cinco de Mayo! Ole'!

Well, there's not much that occurred today on 05/05/05 (it looks funny typing that...) except for my buddy's birthday (Hey Anna!), a job interview (something more entertainment related and closer to home), and snacking on some chips and salsa, giving what day it is. I can be corny sometimes, oh well. I happened to see this banner while checking my email for a
candy bar giveaway. It for that new Hershey's Take 5 bar; they were giving away 5 million bars today, with 500k online. So I'll be receiving a coupon in the mail like next year sometime. Sometimes those promotional sign ups online take forever to come in the mail, really at the point when you forget about it, and then lo and behold its in your mailbox.
Okay, I'm running off subject here, cuz I'm slightly bored with this freetime. That means I need to find somewhere nice to go to tomorrow, besides making the long trip to Kenwood Towne Center to pick up my last paycheck at the retail job that I just quit. Ah, life - it can be so sweet, and yet so bitter and mean at times. Oh well, I'm gonna go back and watch more MXC and Making the Band 3 for now. Adios!

i changed my mind

nothing against retail in general but i let the mall
job go today. I got my wish of more hours but at the
wrong times. Im not gonna work 9 hours in a row
without a break or take on any hours where i cant make
it home at night. Flexible hours my ass! I wanted to
give a two week notice but i called on impulse this
morning to say that i wouldnt be in anymore. I figured
that they couldnt be flexible with me i couldnt be
flexible with them. Two wrongs dont make a right
obviously but once again i know that i can find
something better and closer to home.

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the sickness (entry sent from my cell phone)

By the time i made it home from work sunday night i had a sore throat, a fever, and shakes I couldnt
control. Plus my head felt like it was in a vice grip.
It was so bad that i had my mom meet me at the bus
stop just to be on the safe that i made it home. I
thought enough shaking while walking wa gonna make me
fall sooner or later. I didnt though, but tuesday i
was stil ill. A quick trip to the doc i found out that
i had a sinus infection. Called off from the mall job
that day so i would have until friday to get better.
Still gettin used to the free time. I always search
for things to keep me busy, usually involving a
paycheck. I thought about applying at the gap part
time to fill my week out better. Besides i cant live
off working only 15 hours a week with hopes of saving
to move out-well one day. I have come to realize that
my career is not here in cincinnati. The whole point
of this entry? Just to show that the sickness isnt
always a physical issue.

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this cant be life...and it isnt...(entry from my cell phone)

well people its official-i i quit the temp gig at the
architectural firm. After being offered a pt position
in sales, being slightly put down at the firm like
some idiot, and deciding to not accept any more ft
work without benefits, i got a little free time to
chill. I know what i am capable of career wise but for
now im just going to work to maintain expenses and to
eventually move out one of these days. I know in the
process that i shouldnt be treated like i dont know
left from right. At the end of the day i still have my
dignity to uphold. New grad or not.

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Err, yesterday was Easter?/Rain on me...

I'm a day late and a buck short with any type of Easter greetings.  It didn't feel much like the holiday to me anyways.  It's so casual to me in comparison to how I used to celebrate it when I was little.  Back then, you had to get the official easter outfit, down to the shoes and stockings, and get a pretty hairdo to top it all off.  Then there was some type of Easter party or egg hunt the my Mom's side of the family put on so that all of us little cousins could get to know each other.  And after all that running around and candy eating, my parents and I would go see my Granny (my Daddy's Mama) and have dinner and see the other side of the family after they left church.  So all day long, its just nonstop family visiting, all day long. 

The family visiting remains the same, but all that egg hunt and kiddie party nostalgia has gone.  Replace the candy with barbecue, soda, pasta salad, and cake,  and the constant eating/snacking also remains.  I felt kinda guilty for constantly eating and snacking all day.  Since its spring now, I should be out walking more anyways.  As I digress, I spent my afternoon at my Aunt's house yesterday, spending time with the family.  It's been  quite a trying week because my great cousin Nashia, who was only 3 months old that I never got to hold, passed away.  My Mom has been hurt by it greatly, cuz she got to hold her once, and my Mom absolutely adores kids.  I was kinda bummed to see her dad, my cousin yesterday; I don't get to see him that often anyways.  Its just a trying time for the entire family. 

Her funeral is tomorrow morning. With this being the day before, its just gonna be a rough day.  As soon as I found out the arrangements, I requested the day off.  I had all this fear that my "boss" was gonna be all in my business about why I was talking the whole day off for a funeral.  I'm hypersensitive to this job right now, and I'm still in search of something else that I can tolerate a lot more.

And through all of this though, it doesn't help that its raining outside.  Tuesday's weather is supposed to be much better, with sunshine.  It would be fitting, considering the circumstances that are becoming closer by the moment.

 

 

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Do you feel lucky punk?

...well do you?
Happy St. Patrick's to all the party people out there.

Family Love

Today has been a pretty standard work day so far, going through the usual routine that I can't stand. I'm not a routine kinda gal, so anything that's a break from it makes the day better. During lunch I got that break that I was hoping for. While sitting in Arby's eating and reading a resume book I purchased earlier this week when my cuz Dwight popped outta nowhere and sat down with me at the table. We talked for a few minutes, just catching up to what each other has been doing since the last time. I'm quite proud of my cuz, he's staying out of trouble, working (and recently had a promotion!), and he's been in his current relationship for about a year. Most importantly he's staying out of trouble, unlike our other first cousin.

He told me about our other cousin, who continuously gets in trouble with the law, and now he's on the most wanted list--again. The last time I saw his face on the news and on the internet, all I could do was shake my head as I began to feel like I was going to cry. Although this is the life that my cousin chose for himself, doesn't mean it's right. He has kids that he needs to take care of, and be an example to. It breaks my heart, knowing that the three of us grew up together, since the three of us went to our Granny's house every weekend, holiday, and just because. As a child, I wouldn't have imagined the drastic differences between us three; it wouldn't have crossed my mind.

I've had plenty of times where I couldn't stand my family, on both my Mom and Dad's sides. Some of the actions that some do made me ashamed to be related to them by blood, and the ongoing, and sometimes unecessary drama made me wanna ask for a new family.

With that being besides the point and off topic, I do want to state that I do love my family, but like anything that you truly care about, you go through a lot of pain. It's just a part of the bargain deal.

*I've decided not to link to my cousin's newstory, just out of love and concern. My intentions aren't to flaunt his bad ways, but hope that he can deviate from any more negative actions. That's my true hope. Time will tell if he decides to do right by his kids, and for respect of his own life. *

I need a day off!

Its either because I'm sick of a normal routine, or I'm lazy (probably a combination of both), but I want a day off! Working 40 hours is fine, but when it's confined into the same block of hours every week, for who knows how long, can be irritating. I miss being at home at various times. I miss being able to call my friends, and to have them call me with the option to talk to them, and not because I'm at work.

Right now, I'm working a long term temp job for the time being. With it being indefinate, it worries me a bit, because its difficult to plan for anything else, like a permanent full time job with benefits. Or optioning to go back to school to obtain a few more credentials. As hard as it is to get a permanent position, that doesn't seem like a bad option. Then again, I could have taken the option to earn a certificate in something from UC and stayed a few extra quarters. It never fails, when I get into one routine, I'm ready for another. Actually routines aren't for me, I enjoy variety. Variety in tasks, variety in schedule, variety in free time. Just to have everything just set in stone is so uncomfortable. Options are me. I like options. Options options options dammit!

I haven't felt this pitiful since I last co-oped before dropping out of the program. Then also, I was working at an architectural firm back in 2002-03. All I really spend my 8 hours doing is editing specifications, answering the phone, and check the fax machine. Ooh, the excitement!
And speaking of that excitement, I must finish that excitement before my exciting day ceases at five, which is only 35 minutes away.

Shamekko

This entry was created using the blogger email function.

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Test!

Just testing this new feature out, where you can email a entry to your blog.
Oh yeah, by the way, today's date is 03.04.05 for anyone that noticed. I did, because I'm bored at work. Only boredom can make a person think of useless facts like that.

Cupid Sucks.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovebirds out there. I'm just being my old (bitter) self on this day. Well, at least Moms gave me a whole bunch a candy, a bear and a card as a sweet gesture. Its more of a holiday (if it can be called that; if its not a day off work when the banks are closed, then its not a holiday to me) for couples.

Tada! The official graduation photo!

Since the holidays are over, its time for a new picture, that doesn't involve closeups of big blue bows. This is until I think of a new banner for the top of the page. I finally realized that it would take a long time to actually do my own layout...a template wouldn't hurt.

Happy Birthday Mama

In celebration of my Mom's 50th birthday (Wow!), I wrote her a poem. I've been in a monetary bind since I've finished school, like any new graduate, I presume. Entering the work force full, even half time is difficult. Its not stopping my search.

A few hours prior to her party on Saturday night, I locked myself in the bathroom to write this, as a way to explain what I couldn't tell her face-to-face about how I've been feeling lately. The stress of sudden unemployment and hopes of taking care of the house have begun to break my spirts, and I've kept to myself more as a need of personal distance while sorting out all of these issues.

I've always been the type to keep emotions to myself when I don't feel comfortable expressing them; in result, has put a strain on the relationship between us at times. We still love each other through all of our episodes of bickering, arguing, and silent treatments. To be honest, she's all I got.

Posted below is the poem I gave to her. This is a rare moment, for me, and this journal since this is the first time that I've posted any of my poetry in such an open forum such as this (so be nice and don't steal it, okay).

I have nothing 2 give

It’s such a special birthday for you
And I’ve been feeling kinda down
Knowing I can’t give you much
Has left me feeling quite pitiful

My current situation
Is one that I hadn’t hoped of
Has made me feel so powerless,
so weak,
so vulnerable
Like I’m being watched under a microscope

I feel so ashamed Mama
Cuz I have nothing 2 give

I had such high hopes for the future
To the point I had it planned
Down to how I was gonna help you out
The same way that Daddy has

An interruption wasn’t in the plans…

I apologize for being distant lately
Hate 2 say it – the real world stress is new 2 me
I’m trying 2 find a way to deal
And in the process I pushed you away
I was being selfish to how you feel

And it makes me upset
That I have nothing 2 give to you
Except my current burdens

I’m so ashamed that I have nothing 2 give
But my love, concern & affection
When you feel vulnerable I can be your protection
You & Dad took the years 2 guide me in the right direction
Now I can show you both the worth of your selection…

SNE 1/29/05

I'm an INFJ...what are you?

I just got finished taking this Myers Briggs Test (Justin, thanks for the link) the one that classifies you as an extrovert and such, and I'm an INFJ. That's short for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging. Here's what its supposed to mean in plain English.